mamikaze

I haven’t weighed myself this week. I stepped on the scale Monday night and it was dead. I did all I could to resuscitate her. My medical knowledge assures me that a couple of 3 volt lithium coin buttons will bring her back to life. When I can get to the store. I’m trying to save gas and money. I don’t think I’ll get to Target until Friday at the soonest.

I know I have lost a wee bit because all my pants are loose. My stress eating has turned into stress starving. I have to remind myself to eat breakfast and lunch. Then I take Healthy Curb as the afternoon wears on so I don’t get the munchies too strong.

I am glad the sun has been out today and yesterday. It’s helping my mood immensely. The girls are having a rough time adjusting to Mike’s absence. We talk to him on Skype video chat every few days but they really miss Daddy. They have been sleeping with me most nights.

In other news, I copied Velveteen Mind’s content parlor idea and created a Social Stream that aggregates my StumbleUpon and Posterous. I’ve been adding some of Mike’s photos from Japan. This category doesn’t go into my main feed. I try to keep that to blog posts only. You can subscribe to the Social Stream feed if you like. Click This. Does that make sense? If you are a subscriber now, you don’t need to change anything.

I slacked off this past week BIG time. I bought Little Debbie Nutty Bars over the weekend and ate a whole box in two days. I have a stack of viable excuses for this behavior. I always do. My life is the definition of stress. I didn’t excercise at all like I said I would last week.

I eat when I am anxious. I eat when I’m sad. I eat when I’m bored. I eat. Healthy Curb is helping. It doesn’t make my stomach feel distended like other supplements I have tried. I was very lax about taking it the past week. I have basic idea of what times of day are best for me to take it. Snack time. I eat a 100 calories snack and drink a glass of water with the 2 pills. it came with a little travel pill case. Now I need to remember that they are in there when I am not at home. It’s so easy to drive up to Jack-In-The-Box and order egg rolls when I’m shuttling the girls between therapy, doctors and school.

I gained a little this week. I’m hoping it’s more water. I’m on a progesterone pill for my PCOS and I feel like I am in a drawn PMS. I’m going to blame these 2 pounds on bloating. I’m back to 196.2. Big Sigh.

“Soy un perdidor. I’m a loser, baby. So why don’t you kill me” -Beck

Except this one’s not about depression. Imagine that. this time, I’m trying to lose weight- again. It’s the American way. The CDC reports that adults age 20 years and over who are overweight or obese in America is 67% (2005-2006). I am definitely in that 67%. Before Christmas, my BMI was 33. Thirty-fucking-three. That is a solid obese with a capital “OBESE.” I saw the chart. I’ll save you the trouble of going over there and figuring out my “starting” weight- 204.

For me, that is a health complication of maximum proportions. It puts more stress on my liver, it activates my auto-immune condition. It makes my depression and hormone conditions worse. Then there’s the trouble with being to fat for all my clothes.

I’m working out with the EA Sports Active 6-week Challenge. It’s done wonders for Renée and Monica. I had to take a 2-week break while on the wicked antibiotic. I begin again today. Prepare for lots of “my ass is sore” comments on Twitter.

I have thrown my $10 into the pot at LoserMoms. Even without exercising, I’m down 10 pounds since my last check up with Dr. J. On the #losermoms chart, I began on the 13th at 196.2 and today I reside at 194.2. Not bad for two weeks without exercise.

I’ve also been asked to participate in the Healthy Curb 30-Day Challenge. I am skeptical about weight loss pills. I cannot take anything stimulant-based. I liked what I saw when I read the supplement facts. It’s something I would buy myself.  Here is a little info from the site.

NTFactor is a nutrient complex extracted and prepared using proprietary processes. It is composed only of food and food components listed as:

Phosphoglycolipids – includes polyunsaturated phosphatidylcholine, glycolipids and other polyunsaturated phosphatidyl nutrients.

Bifido and Lactobacillus Bacterium – freeze-dried and microencapsulated in a state of suspended animation with the potential to form healthy microflora colonies.

Growth Media – Foods and bacteria growth factors to support microflora colonies including rice bran extract, arginine, beet root fiber, black stap molasses, glycine, magnesium sulfate, para-amino benzoate, leek, pantethine (bifido growth factor), taurine, garlic, calcium borogluconate, artichoke, potassium citrate, calcium sulfate, spirulina, bromelain, natural vitamin E, calcium ascorbate, alpha-lipoic acid, oligosaccharides, B-6, niacinamide, riboflavin, inositor, niacin, calcium pantothenate, thiamine, B-12, folic acid.

Does not contain starch, salt, wheat, dairy products, animal by-products, articifical flavoring, artificial coloring, animal stearic acid, digestible plastics, or sugar.

This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases, nor have the statements made herein been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

Please note I am not endorsing this product. I received it in the mail yesterday. I have only ingested 2 pills so far. I am not being paid for this challenge. I have agreed to blog about the 30-day challenge in exchange for the sample of the supplement.

I am going to try to post every Wednesday about this challenge. I send my weigh-in to Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah for the Loser Moms competition. Then I’ll write about it here. In real numbers. I’m also taking webcam photos of myself regularly at Daily Mugshot. You know it won’t be daily pictures, that’s just not how I roll. I am documenting the disappearance of my second and third chins.

P.S. White kidney beans are cannellini beans. I just looked it up.

Last week confirmed my choice to not make New Year’s Resolutions and make simple goals instead.

I have been battling sinus pain since we had a stretch of windless days and high air pollution before Christmas. I had a follow-up with my pulmonologist and she put me on a high-powered antibiotic to clean me out. I have to take it easy while I’m on it because one of the side effects is ligament tears. I’m going to postpone my EA Active 6-week Challenge for 2 weeks and do yoga videos.

I have not posted regularly. Too many appointments and kid stuff getting in the way. Shrug. I had a sinus CT yesterday. I hav to drop the films at Dr. S’s office tomorrow. It’s not like me to let a perfectly good stack of images of my head sit on the seat of my van.

Tomorrow I see my psych. The upped dose of Effexor is slowly improving my mood. My anxiety attacks are less frequent more more intense. I expect them to subside over the month. We did a deep clean of the house over the break and did a minor redecorate in most of the rooms. Change of view is good for me at this time of year.

Any advice for other ways brighten this dark time of year?

I have been working out like a mad woman for months now. I even bought a scale. And the way I shed a few pounds? Ignoring everything. That makes no sense. Then again, my life rarely does.

I am sure there is a magic bullet I have missed, like not eating everything in sight when the sun goes down. I should market this plan as the “anti-werewolf diet.” I’ve lost a whole 6 pounds so far! I may fit into my fat jeans by the time I board my flight on Wednesday.