Friday funk

I wrote about my struggle with depression last week. Now anxiety is creeping in. I am currently on a treatment with Effexor XR. Now I am suspecting it may not be enough. Or life is too much right now. Either way, Rescue Remedy is just taking the edge off.

My first experience with panic attacks was about 9 years ago when I was working in daycare. I had horrible chest pain all day. I went to Urgent Care on my way home, convinced I had a nasty case of atypical bronchitis. You know the atypical kind that doesn’t have a fever, cough or mucous. I used my albuterol inhaler all day to no avail. The nurses rushed me back to an exam rooom when I stated I was having chest pains. The P.A. on duty checked my lungs. Nothing. They had me do a nebulizer treatment just in case. No change. They sent me home to sleep it off. “Must be anxiety” I was informed.

I didn’t have another one until after Fluffy was born. I went to our family doctor because my milk had slowed to almost nothing and I had lost 12 pounds in less than 3 weeks. My hands were shaking and I could not sleep. Thoughts were stuck in my head like a broken record. My heartbeat was visible through my shirt. Fears were magnified by 100. On a hunch he checked my thyroid. Bingo! My counts were through the roof.

My thyroid had not shrunk down after pregnancy as it should. It was still shooting out enough hormones to keep a maternity ward lit up. I got in with an endocrinologist right a way and was diagnosed with postpartum thyroiditis. I quickly told him about my panic attacks and he prescribed Xanax.

The Xanax was manna from heaven. I took it whenever I felt an attack coming on and then tried to distract myself while it kicked in. I could use some of that now. Too bad my doctor isn’t on board with that plan. She is a firm believer in the talk therapy cure. She told me at my check-up last year that my prescription for Effexor would not be refilled this year unless I could show that I have been going to pychotherapy.

I am an armchair psychologist. I understand the need for some to sit in a therapists office weekly. It does wonders for many people I know.  I just don’t like the ultimatum she placed. I am not happy that she was not accepting my reasons for not scheduling sessions right away. I bet you want to know my reasons.

One: Our insurance is very stingy when in comes to therapeutic benefits. We have a 20 visit cap. The 20 visits encompasses all therapeutic disciplines; Physical, Occupational, Mental Health and Speech.

Two: We have a 20% deductible, not a copay on therapeutic visits. It amounts to $28.03 for most of Bear’s Therapy visits. I am guessing Psychotherapy will run about the same if not more. We cannot bear another $100 monthly.

Three: When do I have time for this?

I had an attack yesterday. Once again I thought it was an asthma attack. After three rounds of the inhaler I suggested the anxiety possibility to myself. It’s not as if it shocked me.  Reading stories of 9/11, stress of a filthy home, news that my husband will not be home for at least two more weeks, on and on. I should have see nit coming. Since I didn’t have any Xanax at hand,  I went for a glass of wine, a suspense novel and a hot bath. A good temporary fix. My sister is coming over tonight to help me get this pig sty in order. I am thinking that will be another step in the right direction.

I am also searching for a new physician. it is a toss-up between a Osteopath who practices traditional Osteopathic manipulative medicine or an Internist. I think it is time to move on from general practitioners. My medical chart is too thick.

I am welcoming suggestions. You can email me : mamikaze (at) gmail (dot) com