grocery store parenting fail

We were making a run to Fred Meyer. Fluffy had asked if she could have macaroni and cheese for dinner. I felt like indulging her. She loves the gooey deli macaroni and cheese. It worked for me. I have been in a mood. Mike’s been gone for two weeks. I have been living on caffeine and sugar. I am wiped out six ways from Sunday. I think the psychologists call this downcycling.

I was planning on picking up something for dinner, a treat for dessert and maybe a new movie for the kids. I brought in one shopping bag. The items on my mental list only needed one bag.

Note to self: don’t go to the store when you are weighed down my parenting guilt. It will cost you three times more than you expected.

Our cart quickly filled with Little Debbie snacks, bagels, frozen waffles, ice cream sandwiches and marshmallow cream. “Mom, you said we were going to make bread pudding.” Now we needed eggs, bread, sugar and milk. “Are we going to get ravioli for dinner? You promised.” Two bags of ravioli plus pasta sauce.

The whole time we are in the store, I am fighting off the Bear. She is determined to pull out treats out of the basket and throw them on the floor. She roars in laughter every time I stop her. Tapping her hand and telling her “NO!” has no effect. I resort to cuffing her hands in on of mine as I push the cart. If I let go, she whips around to make another go at the food.

After I determine we are not purchasing any moe food items, we head over to the electronics department. Fred Meyer is the O.G. of one stop shopping. On the way down the big aisle towards the movies, I get “Mom, when am I going to get new shoes?” Peter, Paul and Mary! The kid has impeccable timing. I try to tell her we will go out another day for shoes just as the shoe department comes into view.

“We can look here, the shoes are on sale.” I sigh and turn right to the shoes instead of right toward the movies. I have to park the cart and the Bear in the main aisle. It is too big and Bear is too wound up to try to squeeze it into the shoes section. She would have a heyday yanking shoes off the shelf and tossing them from her grocery cart perch. She is two steps away from us.

Fluffy and I make a beeline for the girls shoes. A nifty pair of New Balance are 50% off. Sweet. It’s our favorite brand and the discount makes them $22.00. We get them on her feet. I host an impromptu shoe-tying lesson. Push the toes, wiggles the toes, stomp your feet. Walk, run, are you sure they fit? You know the drill. It took about 4 minutes.

In that time, my darling Bear, helped herself to an ice cream sandwich. She tore open the box. She ripped the wrapper into twenty bajillion pieces. She was covered in chocolate cookie drool. Four freaking minutes! I shrieked in embarrassment. She looked at me with a face that clearly said “What? I was hungry.”

And people wonder why I never take her anywhere.