I wrote this last year after being subjected to constant viewing of Fluffy’s favorite movies during Winter Break. That time of year is upon us again. She has dragged out the DVDs. Thankfully, this time I have cable and Hulu to save me.
When watching children’s movies, it’s best not to think too hard. This concept is much easier said than done. It is safe to say that the movies we have been watching this past week are not tailored for the 12 and over demographic. Despite this glaringly obvious fact, I feel compelled to write reviews on the masterpieces of modern entertainment to which I have been subjected. It’s the only way to justify the time I have lost to repeated viewings. I will use a standard 5 star rating system.
Santa Claus is Coming to Town, 2 stars- alternate title: Ronald McDonald, the early years.
Frosty the Snowman, 3 stars- It would have garnered more if the would have cut out the pathetic attempts at comedy from the title character.
Frosty Returns, ½ star- barf’o'rama with a cherry on top: John Goodman sings.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, 5 stars- a true Christmas classic. Herbie the gay dentist elf should have his own show.
Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol, 0 stars- What a mockery of Mr. Magoo’s talent. I can’t believe he signed on to such crap.
The Wizard of Oz, 4½ stars- I still hold fast to the claim that Glinda, is not a good witch. She is a manipulative goody two shoes with a sparkly dress. Why in the name of Thor did she not tell Dorothy to click her heels back in Munchkinland? Dorothy is a political puppet.
Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home, 2 stars- I bet Lori Petty is glad she got out when she did. This one was more predictable and shallow than the first.
Free Willy 3: The Rescue, 2½ stars- Orca poaching? Are we that stupid? At least there is a crisis of conscience and good versus evil to pull this one up.
The Black Cauldron, 4 stars- love it, a blast from the past. Much more depth than its goofy counterpart, The Sword In The Stone.
The Great Mouse Detective, 3½ stars- a charming rendition of Sherlock Holmes as a rodent named Basil of Baker Street.
